Tell me about book, i wrote it, half way though, i no lots of editting to be done.?

Gabriel came to a running stop in a forest clearing close to my house. After Gabriel had placed me down on the grass, he carefully folded in his wings. I had just enough time to smooth out my hair, before I felt wind on my face; the tree green combine into a mass of dim brown. Suddenly I was standing outside my front door and Gabriel standing on my left.

鈥榃hat did you do that for?鈥?I asked exasperated, trying to comb out the knots out of my hair with my fingers.

鈥榃ell, I would look a bit weird if a giant human bird flew from the sky outside your house,鈥?he said sarcastically.

鈥業 thought you agreed to ask me next time you decide to run super fast,鈥?I hissed firmly, folding my arms across my chest.

鈥業 don鈥檛 like waiting,鈥?he shrugged smiling at me joyfully. After finding that right key, I opened the front door. The familiar creaking of the door greeted me as I swung the door open. Luckily the lights were not on, as that would have indicated that Dad was home. He had strictly told me that night before that I was to be home before it was dark; I had clearly violated his rules. After turning on the main light by the front door, I turned around to see if Gabriel was behind me. A faint breeze fluttered in though the open door with it was a peculiar scent, it was bitter almost resembling vinegar. I saw Gabriel out of the corner of my eye stiffen, his eyes becoming a dark blue. I spun around to face him; his eyes were fixed on the sky.

鈥榃hat is it?鈥?I asked concerned, standing behind him.

鈥榁enator!鈥?He hissed though gritted teeth.

I all happened to fast, my eyes darted from left to right trying to figure out what was happening, I started to fell dizzy.

Suddenly every thing went black.

I was in a black room, or I think it was. Everything was covered in black; the only thing I could hear was a weak voice repeating my name over and over again.

The voice grew louder, and then I realized I was Gabriel voice.

鈥楨mily, Emily,鈥?he called frantically.

The black was fading, I saw a blurry outline of a face; and then it all came into view.

I was lying on the couch in the sitting room and Gabriel was sitting at the end of the couch, his forehead crumpled up in concern.

鈥榃hat happened,鈥?I muttered trying to sit up. Then realizing that was a bad idea, I lay back down.

鈥榊ou fainted,鈥?he said stroking my hair off my face.

鈥榃hat was that smell?鈥?I asked crinkling my nose up.

鈥楾here wasn鈥檛 one.鈥?br> 鈥榊eah, it smelt like vinegar.鈥?br> I sat up slightly, so I was propped on my elbow.

鈥楢re you ok?鈥?he asked with worried eyes.

鈥榊eah, I鈥檓 fine,鈥?I said bluntly sitting up next to Gabriel.

鈥?br>Tell me about book, i wrote it, half way though, i no lots of editting to be done.?

Gabriel the angel? It's been done. When you write you should aim for originality.

Fainting at the point where the action starts doesn't cut it. It's like "... then I awoke, it was all a dream..." Ho hum.

Besides those points, your writing style is quite lucid and free flowing. I'm sure, with practice and writing lessons, you will go far.

Tell me about book, i wrote it, half way though, i no lots of editting to be done.?

I think you used Gabriel too much

Tell me about book, i wrote it, half way though, i no lots of editting to be done.?

It feels as if it is written very fast, slow it down, make us savor the words. Use the name less and use pronouns.

Use a word finder to find better words to say the same thing.

Use paragraphs and spell checker.

You do seem to have a fledgling talent, a writing course would be good.

Tell me about book, i wrote it, half way though, i no lots of editting to be done.?

Aside from the previous critiques I offer the following:

1. Use quotation marks to indicate dialogue, not apostrophes.

2. Avoid using adverbs in the tags. Those are words ending with -ly in general form. Use action tags whenever possible or none at all if the reader knows who is talking.

3. Avoid words such as, "I saw, I looked, I noticed," et cetera. Simply describe the scene.

Go back through the tale and fill in the missing words, contractions, and smooth out the narrative. At some points it is contradictory (i.e., Gabriel's voice is yours, yet "he" calls out Emily twice).

With more effort and work while cutting away the fat of prose, your story will read smoothly.