Once again a story with vampires but not a knock off!?

Ok so I posted my story but leaving out the last paragraph so everyone thought that once again someone(me) was copying Twilight. So once again I am going to post my story so far and if ti still sounds like Twilight I will change it.

I looked up from the desk at the human. I was so thirsty right now. I could just have him and no one閳? NO you can not eat him Cara, I had to keep telling myself that over and over just so I could look up at him and not attack. I left class early. I couldn閳ユ獩 screw up. Not again. No one bothered to ask me why I left anymore. I walked out of the pathetic little school into the parking lot. I quickly scanned for my car. I would have to go hunting, AGAIN. I was tired of eating pathetic little animals. I wanted human blood. Emily would disapprove. Of course she would if I ate human, eating humans weren閳ユ獩 moral she said. This pathetic little world doesn閳ユ獩 need all of this waste walking around calling what there doing 閳ユΓives閳?anyway. I looked in my mirror, My sandy blonde hair didn閳ユ獩 match my cold dark eyes.

Emily always told me that my lust for blood was stronger then the normal vampire. She said it was because I was directly changed from a Christange vampire. The only think she told me about them is that Christange's or Anicents as we call them didn't ever leave a human alive. When a human is bit by an Anicient the poison changes, changing the molecular structure of a human. Making them a hybrid.

Once again a story with vampires but not a knock off!?

pretty good. were's the rest of the story?

Once again a story with vampires but not a knock off!?

It just seems like you took some stuff from Twilight - just SEEMS like it. Don't get mad. The eating animals, the no fangs, the "can't control the thirst"/rebel sort of thing. You should try making up your own things, like Stephenie Meyer did. She changed the vampires to her own, why don't you also make a new vampire? Why don't you try not making this a high-school story? There are so many things you can do besides a, what?, 15, 16, 17 year old vampire going to high school, wanting to eat the humans, someone is telling them not to, etc etc..

It's a college? Strange. Why would you say; "I walked out of the pathetic little school"? Whenever someone accuses you of copying, then you just change the thing they say you copied.

But anyways, besides the fact that it's like Twilight, there are a lot of things you should edit.

You should get a trusted person that has read Twilight to review your stories, so 1) your "ideas" won't get stolen and 2) so you can make sure it's not like Twilight.

And you say; "pathetic little ....." a lot.

ETA: If it's about Cara finding the Christange, why does she need to be in college?

Once again a story with vampires but not a knock off!?

Ok I'm not even gonna say what I think, I'm just gonna say you STILL need to at least change the "weren't" to "wasn't" moral in the 1st paragraph