In my mind, Yulia is a perfect name for Russian girls. The first day I met Yulia, I was surprised by her golden blond hair and that mysterious blue of her eyes. It閳ユ獨 amazing how both of us, as a human being, I have black hair and black eyes. Yet no matter how differently we could be in the physical appearance, soon we became best friend.
Yulia and I had only one class together, so we cherished the time we have in the science class. Luckily, science is one class that provides many field trip opportunities. I would often team up with Yulia during the class to complete works together.
Yulia was a better learner on everything than I was. She was taking martial art outside of school and she was appointed by science teacher as one of the teacher assistant. She would remain humble when she senses the jealousy from peers.
On a field trip to Enchanted Rock, Texas, We discussed about her life in Russia. She recalled her time in Russia when she climbed trees with other little children. As she recalled, she jumped around the rocks. I was worried so I tried to tell her to be careful, but she fell before I could yell anything. Fortunately, she only had scratches. I imagined the life with trees and nature surrounding. That was her life in Russia. Things were simple and clean.
As we finally approached the peak of Enchanted Rock, Yulia told me her family in Russia. Apparently, her father had more than one women, Yulia had to learn to live with her 閳ユ笩ister閳?while staying in America. I sympathized with her. She also told me real life story of an adopted orphan from Russia to America. Orphans in Russia are most likely to be adopted by American family, just because they have blond hair and blue eyes.
I was curious at Russian girls閳?name. At that time our school had many Russian girls with first name ending with 閳ユ笓ya閳?or 閳ユ笓ia閳? Yulia said Russian has a different way to pronounce that sound than English and most girls in Russia do have that ending of their names.
Just that one single day on the Enchanted Rock made me learned to embrace another cultural so distinctly different than mine. I was touched by Yulia閳ユ獨 optimistic spirit. I had learned to look at the other Russian girls with respect.
It was very sad to know that Yulia was only staying in America for one year. In my experiences, the best friend of mine only stayed in America for a short time. Best friends left me the best memories and the best lessons I couldn閳ユ獩 learn from the school. I signed Yulia閳ユ獨 notebook like her other friends. I wished her the best in Russia and I know she would not forget the time we spent together in America.
I need someone to proofread my college essay for me!!Thank you so much!?
Things surrounded in stars are either complete sentence revisions or suggestions. Everything else (all other errors) have been corrected without stars so look closely
In my mind, Yulia is a perfect name for Russian girls. The first day I met Yulia, I was surprised by her golden blond hair and that mysterious blue of her eyes.****She looked nothing like me. It's amazing how both of us, as human beings, could be so physically different. Despite this, we would soon become the best of friends.****
Yulia and I had only one class together so we cherished the time we had in science class. Luckily, science is one class that provides many field trip opportunities. I would often team up with Yulia during the class to complete work together.
Yulia was a better learner at every subject than I was. She was taking martial arts outside of school and she was appointed by our science teacher as one of the teacher assistants. She remained humble when she sensed the jealousy of peers.
On a field trip to Enchanted Rock, Texas, we discussed her life in Russia. She recalled her time in Russia when she climbed trees with other little children. As she recalled, she jumped around the rocks. I was worried so I tried to tell her to be careful, but she fell before I could yell anything. Fortunately, she only had scratches. I imagined the life with trees and nature surrounding. That was her life in Russia. Things were simple and clean.
As we finally approached the peak of Enchanted Rock, Yulia told me of her family in Russia. Apparently, her father had more than one woman *** or wife***. Yulia had to learn to live with her 閳ユ笩ister閳?while staying in America. I sympathized with her. ***She also told me a true story about and adopted Russian orphan who came to America.**** Orphans in Russia are most likely to be adopted by an American family, just because they have blond hair and blue eyes.
I was curious by Russian girls閳?names. At that time, our school had many Russian girls with a first name ending with 閳ユ笓ya閳?or 閳ユ笓ia閳? Yulia said Russian has a different way to pronounce that sound than English and most girls in Russia do have that ending of their names.
Just that one day on the Enchanted Rock made me learn to embrace another culture so distinctly different than mine. I was touched by Yulia閳ユ獨 optimistic spirit. I had learned to look at the other Russian girls with respect.
It was very sad to know that Yulia was only staying in America for one year. In my experiences, the best friend of mine only stayed in America for a short time. Best friends left me the best memories and the best lessons I couldn閳ユ獩 learn from the school. I signed Yulia閳ユ獨 notebook like her other friends. I wished her the best in Russia and I know she would not forget the time we spent together in America.
I need someone to proofread my college essay for me!!Thank you so much!?
Yes you need some proofreading but I can't help.
I need someone to proofread my college essay for me!!Thank you so much!?
*Blonde
It閳ユ獨 amazing how both of us, as a human being, I have black hair and black eyes. Yet no matter how differently we could be in the physical appearance, soon we became best friend. (consider revising doesn't make sense)
*teacher's Assistant*
advice... get a good proofreading program... or write this on microsoft word and it'll check it for you
I need someone to proofread my college essay for me!!Thank you so much!?
To me, Yulia is a truly wonderful name. The first day I met Yulia, of Russian decent, I felt somekind of heaven. Her golden locks of hair irredecent to the sun and those mysterious deep blue eyes struck me with surprise. My rugged looks, black hair and brown eyes did not seem important to her. She looked at me with a smile that of an angel and soon a beautiful friendship blossomed.
I have started you off in a different and better direction. If you want better marks follow it!
I need someone to proofread my college essay for me!!Thank you so much!?
1st paragraph: How both of us as a human beings, I have black hair and black eyes. = Needs to be rephrased
2nd: so we cherished the time we have in the science class. = so we cherished the time we had (together?) in science class. Luckily, science is one class that provides many field trip opportunities = the one class, or, is a class
works together = work together
3rd: Yulia was a better learner on everything than I was. = Rephrase
teacher assistant = teacher's assistants
She would remain humble when she senses the jealousy from peers. = sensed
4th: On a field trip to Enchanted Rock, Texas, We discussed about her life in Russia = WE should not be capitolized, we discussed HER life in Russia
As she recalled, she jumped around the rocks. I was worried so I tried to tell her to be careful, but she fell before I could yell anything. = Rephrase 1st sentance (it isn't very clear) I was worried, so I tried.... (comma)
5th: As we finally approached the peak of Enchanted Rock, Yulia told me her family in Russia.= Rephrase (What did Yulia tell you about her famiy in Russia?)
She also told me real life story of an adopted orphan from Russia to America. = orphan WHO came to...
6th: I was curious at Russian girls閳?name = ABOUT Russian girls' names.
Yulia said Russian has a different way to pronounce that sound than English and most girls in Russia do have that ending of their names. = Russia instead of Russian, 'pronounce that sound than English' should be 'different way of pronouncing that sound.'
7th: Just that one single day on the Enchanted Rock made me learned to embrace another cultural so distinctly different than mine = made me learned should be 'taught me'
8th: In my experiences, the best friend of mine only stayed in America for a short time. = rephrase, maybe ' During this experience, my best friend only stayed in America for a short period of time (also, you mentioned in the paragraph above that she was only in America for a year)
Best friends left me the best memories and the best lessons I couldn閳ユ獩 learn from the school.= MY best friend Taught me a lesson I could never learn in school
Wheeww! There ya go! Good Luck! It's a ver good story; I hope you get an A!!!
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