Beginning of the story?

here's the possible beginning of my story "Phobia" and i hope this seems terrifying enough for you.

The wind shifts as the moon rises. The ground is empty, and the trees seem to arch towards the school as if warning of danger. The school seems normal, so peaceful. But lies inside. A presence that was alone. It passes through the silent halls. The hair covers the girl閳ユ獨 face. The hall seems icy cold and bare. She slowly drags her bare feet across the cold tile floor. The sound this girl makes is almost inaudible as the lips ominously move slightly.

Behind the school, a lake seems to disturbed. Ripples have begins to appear and the frogs seem to fear the lake.

The sound is growing, and it seems to be almost, not human. Through the darken hall there is a door to a small closet. Legs are dangling. The pair of leg of the janitor, who is working late tonight, lifts inches from the floor. His face was full of horror and the hair coming from the ceiling, is tightening around his neck, pull

Beginning of the story?

I have on suggestion, and it isn't so much a major critique as it is a piece of advice. Try switching the tense from present to past, as it will give you a bit more comfort. I noticed in your additional details you reverted to the past tense a couple times. Also, there are a lot of simple adjectives that draw away from the description. Keep writing, get your full idea out on paper, and then worry about the details. I think that the way you're presenting it, it would come out better like this:

The wind shifted as the moon rose. The ground was empty, and the trees arched toward the school like waving arms that warned of danger. The school was oblivious to the warning. It appeared peaceful from the outside, but within there was a dark presence that passed through the silent halls alone. Bare feet dragged across the cold, tiled floor making a barely audible sound. Hair covers her face, save for the slightly moving lips which move in ominous warning.

Right as it is, it is a little bit telling in it's structure. Spice it up a little bit. Experiment with style, and keep on going with it! You've got a lot of suspense building here.

Beginning of the story?

I really like it. Right now im working on a book of short stories.I like making people happy so I started a book of erotic stories. there pretty good. if u have ne ideas email me at siloqueenziggy@yahoo.com.

Beginning of the story?

So where are you going with this.

Its like some thing you would see in any number of movies.

But keep going with it you never know what can come of it.

Beginning of the story?

I think it's a good plot. Tells alot about what the story is based on, e.g. horror, suspense, thriller.

I like it..... now i wish i could read the rest of it..

Keep going, you could be the next Dan Brown.

Beginning of the story?

now that was a good read, i wish i could read the whole thing, it was awesome!!