My finished essay on money tell me what you guys think?

i suck at grammer so any help on that would be lovely just tell me what i need to edit and if i screwed up anywhere thanks for all help will rep

Does The Size of Our Pocket Matter?

Do you want to be a millionaire? Many people dream about it every night. Sure, it would be great to acquire nearly anything you want, but is it more important than a healthy cheerful life. Many people are unaware of the problem and responsibilities money can bring to a person life. Although money is an important factor of living, one must not give up his or her life chasing the million-dollar dream.

In historic times, people used gold and silver as a source of trade, which was truly

inconvenient. This sequentially brought the concept of money as a way of trade to citizens.

Money can change the way a person looks at things. There are many sayings present explaining

how money is the root of all evil. It is what makes one-do awful and regrettable deeds. Money

makes you get away from the things you love, and your proper friends that actually care about you, not your capital. This wealthy person starts acting, speaking, and even thinking differently. This concept of money brings an entirely new personality to the person. Not only can this push your friends away from you, but can also make your family disgusted of all the arrogance wealth has brought you.

As if change was not enough for this wealthy man, this person also experiences problems. A common person has the belief that big numbers will resolve all their troubles and bring them a life of happiness. This might be true to some sense but truth is they just are not satisfied. In fact, wealthy people are more likely to suffer from depression and stress due to the amount of responsibility money brings. The wealthy will also have to watch each move they make, because the spotlight will be always on them. Just as if one may see on television nowadays, many of the wealthy celebrities are prone to be caught of their mistake and maybe even thrown in jail. The phrase 閳ユ辅ith great power comes great responsibility閳?comes into play tremendously with this wealth since that money gives you tremendous power, and you must manage it responsibly. All eyes will be on you all the time because of your pocket size. In my opinion, money should be viewed more as a concept rather then something you require in order to be successful. It is a form of barter for goods not a form of who is superior or inferior. This is the original reason why our ancestors even came up with this idea.

Wealth will also make you acquire more revenue. This can be one of the worst problems one may ever experience. Seeing all the funds you have in your bank, it will come naturally for you to invest that money and grow bigger and more powerful. There are many downsides in investing some of them being stress, freedom, and time. For example, if someone invests in the stock market that person is applicable to lose large amounts of money. This in turn will bring him downhill and put a lot of stress on him. If the person invested in a business, it will bring lots of work to their table and will eventually put gray hair on their skull. Another deed Investing will make you do is step over lots of modest people showing them no mercy and no heart. This greed of becoming richer will not only bring you down but will place you on numerous hit lists.

Many people think money is all you need in this life and money will heal all wounds. In my opinion, money is bound to bring you more problems, many uninvited changes, and a greed for more. The money will also attract many awful human beings who will love to get their hands on the wealth. Theses factors make money not as important as what you currently surround and adore. This brings me to my original question. Do you want to be a millionaire?

My finished essay on money tell me what you guys think?

pretty good. good examples. but one major mistake, u sed "in my opinion". a good essay never uses first person words like me my we our. change it around.

for example, i could say:

in my opinion, rock music is divine.

i SHOULD change it to:

rock music is divine

this diction pretty much shows how strongly you feel about ur point. understand?

My finished essay on money tell me what you guys think?

Just a grammar point: be careful with the usage of "you" in the essay; try saying something like "one" so it's in the third-person. All my teachers tell me that.

My finished essay on money tell me what you guys think?

That might fly if you are in 6th grade.

My finished essay on money tell me what you guys think?

look over my left shoulder----look over my right shoulder----do you see any one that cares about your inane banal and plebeian writing

My finished essay on money tell me what you guys think?

Can't be bothered to read the whole thing. But it's very generic. To be honest, it's 5th grade quality. Try some paragraph breaks. The TAB key is your friend.

My finished essay on money tell me what you guys think?

get rid of all the "You" and replace with us or we