Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

---------------

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

*Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

------------------

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( I have no other time to dry my hair).

On a bag of Frito's: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well... a bit late, huh?)

On Marks %26amp; Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...noooo... Really?)

On packaging for a Rowena iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because...?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

A few more for you? Not that you have not listed MANY good ones as is:

Would a fly without wngs be called a "walk"?

If a DEAF child is caught cursing, do the parents wash out his HANDS?

How do we get deer to cross right at the yelow sign?

Why is called "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first you do is state your name and that you are an alcoholic?

Only in America can you complain if your coffee is too cold and file a law suit when it is too hot...(I mean isn't coffee supposed to be HOT?!)

Why do we drive on a paerkway and park in the driveway?

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

lolol that made my day. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Thanks. :)

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

lol.

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

hilarious man i heard all this before but hearing it again makes me lagh =]

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

lol funny stuff

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

I just wasted 5 minutes of my life...at least it was kind of interesting I guess.

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

thanks that was great.

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

5, 6 and 7 are hilarious!

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

LMAO just about to leave work and that was hilarious glad I got to read before walking out the door!

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

Wow, I've never spent so much time reading a 'question'. lol. that was good though.

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

Those were great! Thank you!

Only in America where you can get a pizza delivered faster to your door (and guaranteed to be hot or it's free) than an ambulance before the victim dies and the body gets cold and you still have to pay for the ambulance service!

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

I loved #9. If there ever was a truth about the meaning of the word politics, that is it. Thanks for the laugh!

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

cool..thanx

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

OMG Thoses are really Good. I thought about printing them out even! Here have a STAR!!!

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

LOLZ

OMG DAMN I NEVER REALIZED HOW STUPID WE (america) CAN BE

LOL HAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA

Only in AMERICA /STUPID PEOPLE /DUMB FACTS. FUNNY MUST READ!?

So funny....incredibly true!!!!