Hey could you read this and tell me what you think?

http://www.short-story.net/story.php?s=8...

please!!!! i really need to know. i welcome any and all responces

Red Snow

As I stalk the night I locate my prey. A man and woman, young and in love. They hold each other embracing, guarding each other against the pending storm. It is this act of affection which marks them as unwilling participants in tonights games. how dare they be so happy? Enjoying life while I am cast aside by society to wander my pitiful existence. Tonight I will once again exact my revenge on love.

I pursue them as they enter the park. It is a cold winters night and the sky whispers of a storm her way. The park is deserted at this time of night. Tall, full pine trees line the paths and trails that weave a maze through the trees. My breath fogs in front of me as I walk. I hope I am not finished by the time the storm arrives. I always did think that the snow looked better red.

The couple float along the paths on clouds built of their love of life, blissfully unaware of their pending fate. As I glide after them on wings of hatred, macabre thoughts dancing through my head are accompanied by images of cadaverous faces parading thorough my minds eye.

The couple turns down a particularly desolate path and I realize my time is now. My thoughts become giddy as the anticpation mounts, almost to an unbarable level. The wind picks up, adding to my excitement. The storm is almost here, clouds casting an orange glow over the trees. I change my position and enter the trees, to approach them from a better angle.

I step from the trees, silently as a predator on the hunt. Then the couple turns and I know. I have let my stupidity and hate lure me into a trap. I realize that irony has dealt me a new hand. Predator becoming prey, prey becoming predator. The place i had untill recently thought of as my playground has become my final battleground.

As I stare helplessly at the man and woman I cannot run. I do not know how i missed it before. There beauty is so enrapturing, it is as if I am being hypnotized. I feel as if I am witnessing a miracle, a goddess come to walk the land of mortals. Her hair is the color of ebony, the silky strands reaching out in the storms wind to wrap the world in its sinister embrace. Her eyes are the color of emerelds, reaching into my very soul. Her voluptous body adds to her godly appearance.

The god standing aside her contrasts her arcane beauty with a luminous allure all his own. His downy platinum hair mingles with hers in the wind. The sight of his eyes bring tears to my eyes, they are colors of cerulean that have never before graced a human face. He presence reminds me of an angel fallen to earth.

As I stand here on the eve of my demise, I am not afraid. As they stride toward me, I am still unafraid. I know now what they are and I welcome my fate, a reprieve from this desolate existence. As I lay cradled in her arms a pain, sharp and distant rings through my body. I found it peculiar that though I had always feared death, I now lay embracing it with willing arms.

As the snow falls around us my last thought is that I always thought the snow looked better red.

Hey could you read this and tell me what you think?

honestly? well, i won't sugar coat it. i got board in the seconed paragraph. i don't know who you are targeting to, if it was a teacher, or a couple in love, yeah, it would be great, but if you where targating towareds young adults, teen, or kids, than i would write it a little different. i depends on who you are writing to.